I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
