Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
