Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
