P.S. I can't hear my feet
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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