I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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