I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize