Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
