ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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