i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
