Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
