Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
