What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
