She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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