Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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