we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
