Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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