what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
