why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
