Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
