We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
