I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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