I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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