If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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