And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
