I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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