i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
