People with herpes should wear stickers.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
