Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
