Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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