Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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