If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
