...so i touched it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
