I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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