There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
