dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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