After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
