If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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