Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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