The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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