I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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