Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
