You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize