she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
