Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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