Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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