Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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