well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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