i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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