awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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