like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
