Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
