I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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