Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
