Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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