So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
