Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
