She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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