fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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