She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
