I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
