I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
