I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
