i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
